Lessons from losing a speaking competition

Hey Greenblasters!

2 nights ago, I took to the stage at Speaker Slam to tell my story.

I worked for hours and hours on it, honing the script, working with two coaches, and rehearsing it with all of my techniques built over years of acting, theatre school, public speaking and coaching others to be powerful public speakers and storytellers.

Not only did I not win, I finished 8th. Out of 10.

I promised I’d tell you all about it, and I will, but:

I have too many thoughts to fit in one email.

Things I really want to talk about soon, like:

• the ethics of “pay-to-play” speaking events

• how the business world values storytelling (and storytellers)

• what stories resonate with which audiences

• content vs delivery and which affects the audience more

But for today, I want to keep it simple, and tell you a bit about how it went from my perspective, how I’m dealing with the emotions of finishing so low in the ranks, and finally:

My feedback from the judges, and what YOU can learn from it, as entrepreneurs wanting to do well in pitch competitions, or other onstage appearances, or just people who want to be better storytellers.

First up:

The event.

• The event took place at the Lula Lounge in Toronto (great venue)

• There was a hundred or so people (I think?)

• I spoke first, and was incredibly nervous

• But I thought I did pretty well

• Watching the rest of the speakers, in my arrogance, I thought I would definitely finish top 3. Not because they were terrible, but they just didn’t seem as comfortable, or weren’t making points I’d never heard before (my opinion).

• There were some great stories, and I definitely felt the courage of those other speakers up there.

• When they announced the winners, I was very surprised at who they chose for 1st and 2nd place (I quite liked the 3rd place finisher Meagan O’Nan).

Next:

My emotional reaction, then and since.

• I felt disappointed. I certainly didn’t feel entitled to win, but I let a bunch of feedback from people in the audience before the judges’ decision go to my head, and thought I was gonna do much better.

• I felt resentful. The people who won seemed to be long-time members of the community, and it felt rigged. I can’t shake that feeling (not that that’s why I didn’t win, but why the people who did win, won.)

• I felt ashamed of myself. I’m supposed to be a professional speaker, and a coach to speakers, and a good one at that, and I feel a bit like I let all my clients and people who support me down, and lost credibility.

These aren’t my “true” feelings, you understand, just the intrusive thoughts that come up around moments of “failure.”

Intellectually, I know that:

• I did my best,

• that it was my first time speaking in this format,

• that this stuff is subjective,

• and that losing a local speaking competion won’t destroy my years of reputation for being a good speaker and coach.

Finally:

Some judges’ feedback (and the lessons)

1. “You lost 1 point for going over. You ended 8th (versus 7th if you hadn't gone over)”

2. “He jammed too much tragedy into such a short period (side note: rude)... it would have been better if he landed and expanded to let one of the stories breathe.”

3. “Improve stage presence and audience engagement” AND:

   “Love the performance. Great presence on stage!”

So, this gives me 3 takeaways for you:

1. If you’re in a formal competition, and you actually want to win, stick to the criteria. I went over time, and it cost me a place. Same thing happened to Megan, who would have finished 2nd or 1st if she hadn’t lost 10 points. This also applies to the next point:

2. I tried to tell too much of my story in 5 minutes. We all do this: we wanna cram all our ideas or experiences in one pitch, presentation or story, and it’s too much for the audience. WAY less is WAY more.

3. THIS SHIT IS SUBJECTIVE! One judge thought my performance needed improvement. The other loved it. There ya go.

All in all, like every “failure”, I’m glad I went through it, for everything it’s taught me. I’ll keep telling my story, thus improving my ability to do so, and sharing the journey and lessons with you all.

Mostly, if you’re still reading this, I’m grateful to have even one person who finds this interesting enough to read and engage with. Please reply “You’re a winner in my books, kid.” or: “Haha, LOSER!” (whichever you prefer) to this email.

Love you all.

Greenblast out 🚀