Green. Blast. Ers.

Yo yoooooo!!

First off, as my email list, you guys get FIRST ACCESS to my next Powerful Pitch Workshop! 🥳 🥳 🥳

It’s March 20th, 10-30-12 at OneEleven near Union Station.

Here’s the link, and there are only 12 spots open, so if you do want to come, book ASAP!

Ok, enough of that. On to the Blast.

Today, we’re going DEEP.

My question for you is:

Why do we treat ourselves like such shit?

I wanna explore this topic, because it keeps coming up for me:

• as a speaking coach

• as an entrepreneur

• as a husband

• as a father

and as a human interested in the emotional well-being of myself and my fellow smart & hairless (relatively) monkeys.

I’m gonna explore:

1. WHY I think we do this and why it’s so universal,

2. HOW it damages us, especially our confidence in communication, and

3. WHAT to do about it based on what I’ve learned and still struggle with.

Sound good?

Then let’s get EMOTIONAL! EMOTIONAL! (sung to the tune of Physical by Olivia Newton-John):

1. WHY we do this

At the beginning of every workshop, keynote, or course I do, I show this slide:

That’s because I believe most communication problems stem from our evolutionary history as hunter-gatherers living in tribes.

Each of us evolved to be 1 of about 150 people in a group, struggling for survival but also for status within the tribe.

We depended on each other for food, protection, and mating opportunities (nothing sexier than calling sex a “mating opportunity”, am I right?).

We looked for social clues to tell us who was a friend or an enemy.

We listened to each other tell stories around the campfire that told us where the food and predators were.

And we evolved a nervous system that told us when we were in danger so we could fight, flee or freeze (which is where I believe stage fright comes from).

This last point is critical: it’s what we call ANXIETY today.

The reason we talk to ourselves like we’re such absolute pieces of garbage, in ways we would never dream of talking to anyone else, is because:

We are suffering from some level of anxiety, ALL THE F*CKING TIME.

Because in our modern world, we can never relax.

In the old days, there was a time to hunt; and a time to eat, rest ,and digest.

Now, we have a constant sense that we should be doing JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE. No matter who I talk to, teenagers or CEOs of massive companies, nobody seems safe from this sense of perpetual “incomplete-to-do-list-itis.”

(trademarking that, no copycats!)

You may disagree, and say you feel content and relaxed most of time. If so, I would like the name and number of your drug dealer.

For the rest of us, it brings us to:

2. How this damages us

In therapy, specifically CBT, I learned that anxiety and depression make us think thoughts about ourselves that are just plain cruel.

Thoughts like:

“I’m a piece of shit.”

“I’m a loser.”

“The universe is out to get me.”

“I don’t deserve love or happiness.”

“If anyone knew who I really was, they’d hate me.”

We wouldn’t dream of heaping the horrible messages on anyone else, but we think these thoughts to ourselves ALL THE TIME.

Maybe not so strong as the ones above, but even milder thoughts like:

“I don’t belong in this room.”

“I’m not ready for this presentation.”

“Who cares what I have to say?”

… are confidence killers that stop us from communicating with passion, clarity and power.

So, what do we do about this?

3. What to do about this:

Here’s what I suggest (based on what I’m working on and as a coach):

1. First, teach yourself to NOTICE these negative thoughts. A lot of them fly slightly under the radar, and we can’t do anything about the ones that we aren’t aware of. Try writing them down when you think one and notice: “oh shit, that was mean of me to say to me!”

2. Then, practice COUNTERING these negative thoughts. (In CBT, they teach you to LABEL the thoughts, but I don’t think it’s necessary for now. If you wanna read more about this, you can here.) Ask yourself:

   “What would I say to my best friend if they told me they had a thought like this about themselves?” Now say that to yourself 🙂 out loud if that doesn’t make you feel like TOO much of a douchebag!

3. Finally, engage in some kind of regular mindfulness meditation or yoga practice. These activities are full of teachers sending you positive messages about your worthiness, and I find the physical aspects really help me absorb the messages. Messages like:

“You are strong.”

“You are safe in this moment.”

And finally:

“You’re doing an incredible job. You are a good person doing your best in a crazy world. Be kind to yourself.”

I would like all of you to absorb these messages more, because, without even necessarily knowing you, I can almost guarantee they’re true.

That’s it for this week. Lots of love. Greenblast out 🚀