First off, a big thank you for reading this.

When I started this newsletter, I didn’t think it would be so hard to write about an interesting communication idea every week, and deliver it on time.

And it can be demoralizing to share your ideas and not know if anyone gives a shit.

I know some of you struggle with this too, and this week it feels especially tough. I’m in a bit of a downturn in motivation due to parenting exhaustion 🥲

So if you’re reading this, please reply "HUMAN” to this email so I know someone is out there!

Now, enough with the pity party.

Today’s topic:

How do I stop my UMMs and AHHs?

This is probably the most frequently asked question I get as a public speaking coach, and I totally understand where it comes from:

God damn Toastmasters… 

To be fair:

Toastmasters has helped millions of people, including friends and clients of mine, overcome fears of public speaking.

My issue with them is they use a “paint-by-numbers” strategy to teach public speaking skills, where everyone is taught the same generic techniques for presentations and speeches.

The worst example of this is the “AH-COUNTER.” This is an actual name of a person at a Toastmasters meeting.

This is from the video pictured above:

“Many clubs use an “Ah-Counter” to document the number of filler words when speaking.

At the end of the meeting, the Ah-Counter reports how many “ahs, ums” and other similar words each speaker used.

This helps members become aware of unintended words or sounds they make when they speak.”

Ask yourself:

Would you - if you were teaching a class - wanna create an environment where:

a) each student knew their mistakes were being counted and

b) it would be reported exactly how many times they fucked up at the end of the class?

This exacerbates the very thing I want my students NOT to be when public speaking:

Self-conscious.

Self-consciousness destroys confidence and hijacks the mind.

It tells us we are inadequate, unattractive, and maybe even in danger.

All of this ruins our ability to be PRESENT with what we are saying, and why it matters.

So, instead of focusing on eliminating your UMMs and AHHs, here’s what to do:

FOCUS ON BEING PRESENT

Learning how to “be present” is the single greatest lesson I’ve had thus far in life.

Quick backstory:

When I came home from my first startup venture in China in 2015, it was due to a horrible back injury that ended up with me bedridden for the better part of a year. (I wrote a bit about that here.)

An MRI revealed a massive disc herniation in my L5-S1, which I was told would take a maximum of 3 months to heal was still excruciating six months later, with no sign of ending.

I was taking seven Percocets a day, plus pregabalin and a whole host of supplements to deal with the constipation (if you know, you know).

I got a job teaching English online, but had to quit because I couldn’t focus during my lessons from the pain and effects of the drugs.I was severely depressed and truly felt that this was gonna be my life forever.

Not until I got placed in a specialized program that offered a more holistic approach to healing, did I start to recover, and the main catalyst was a course called Mindfulness & CBT.

I felt the benefits of mindfulness immediately.

I learned how:

• meditations like body scans and breath work can calm your mind

• paying attention to sounds, sensations, and sights around you can counter a panic attack

• observing your thoughts diminishes their power over you

• practicing paying attention to the present moment literally slows time down

• finally, mindfulness can be applied in any situation once you know how to tune into your breath, your body, the environment, or even your words & actions

Which brings us back to public speaking:

Once you develop a practice like yoga or meditation and learn about the tools and philosophies behind mindfulness, you can develop an incredible ability to BE PRESENT, even when speaking in public.

The best of us get nervous or distracted when all eyes are on us, and this inevitably leads to “umms,” “ahhs,” “ya knows,” and fidgeting with your clothes.

But the antidote to stopping these things is NOT to focus on NOT doing them;

It’s to spend your energy on BEING PRESENT.

Think:

“What am I saying right now?”

“How is my body moving in space?”

“Can I breathe a little more deeply?”

“Do I believe in what I’m saying?”

“Is it good or bad? How good or how bad?”

“What words do I need to emphasize for the audience?”

“Am I being as CLEAR, HONEST and ENGAGING as I can right now?”

If you think these sorts of questions, rather than:

“Don’t say umm, don’t say umm, don’t say umm!”

All the filler words will fall away naturally, as you focus on being present in the service of your ideas and their communication to the audience.

And THAT’S the business.

I hope this helps you be a better speaker, as that is my goal every week!

Again, please reply HUMAN to this email to let me know you’re here 😀 and FORWARD this email to someone who wants to improve their speaking

See you in the next Greenblast 🚀